Don’t Make This Mistake When Setting Goals

Hi everyone! Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving! The end of the year really comes and goes pretty quickly, doesn't it? If you're someone who likes to stay on top of things, then you've probably already started planning for the new year. If you're not a planner… I'm glad you stopped by!

Goal setting is one of those things that we know we're supposed to d,o and depending on the environment you're in, or your natural inclinations, you may or may not be good at setting goals. Here's my question: For all the goals you have set, how many were successful, and how many were… less successful? Remember, learning comes from mistakes! How many goals did you set that flopped? I'll admit, there were some big and some small that really didn't work out. 

As a thinker, I kept asking myself, why didn't the goals work out? As I kept reflecting on it, I remembered a short but powerful thought that I learned: Be. Do. Have. The idea is that if you can be a certain type of person, you'll do the things that person would do, then you would have the results that that type of person would have. What I realized is that  I was doing the things, but I wasn't being the person, which is why I didn't have the results. 

For example, if someone wants to lose weight, they know they need to exercise more and/or eat healthier. However, if this person believes they're big-boned… what are the chances the person will lose weight? If they do, it will most likely be short-term. Even if they do the work, because the person has the identity of someone big-boned, that belief will influence how much weight they can lose.

So what went wrong? The "Be" didn't line up with the "Do." This is why I believe goals aren't achieved.  

After this realization, I started thinking about everything I've said or heard others say. "You can't teach an old dog a new trick." What does that mean? It means this person is "old" and doesn't want to change. "I'm bad with technology/social media." This person may try to use technology or social media but will probably see all the reasons why it doesn't work rather than how it could work. What are your chances of changing if you hold on to that identity? 

Here's how this has worked out for me. Growing up, I was in martial arts, did some sprinting in high school, and started playing tennis in college. Overall, I was thin and pretty athletic. After becoming an adult, I went through that phase where I compared my body to my younger body and felt really bad about it. I tried working out, going to the gym, running, etc. However, it didn't work. I didn't see myself as a gym rat or a runner. Notice those were both identity statements.  

Finally, I decided to get a trainer, and he asked me a powerful question, "How do you want to feel?" You see, at that time, it was six months before my son was born. I knew I was out of shape and wanted to be in better shape by the time he was born. When he asked me this question, I started to imagine myself crawling on the floor with my son, so I knew I needed to be mobile. I saw him getting into odd corners, so I knew I needed to be flexible. And I eventually saw him running around, so I needed to be agile and fast (inspired by my sprinting days). These feelings guided who I wanted to be: a present father - someone who could do things with his son and not be limited physically. This was the moment that exercise made sense. It also shaped how I exercised. I didn't need to become the next Mr. Universe; I just needed enough strength to carry my child. I didn't need to be the fastest runner, just faster than my son. I ended up focusing more on eating better foods that wouldn't slow me down, and I used walking and stretching as my main exercises. Anything more than that was a bonus.

Here's the thing that makes me chuckle. I thought I needed to be the type of person who loves working out, feeling the burn, and being drenched in sweat… but I just wanted to be a good father. Logically, I never would have connected being a good father and exercising together. It's because of this connection that I call myself a life coach. Every aspect of life is connected to every other aspect of life. If you feel like you're held back in one area, it's probably influencing another area as well. Or maybe you're being held back because of another area in life.

What are you wanting to achieve in 2023? Who do you need to be to do the things to have that result? In my next article, I'll talk about what influences your being. If you want a sneak peek, shoot me an email. Chat soon! 

Kevin helps people gain clarity on what they want in life, craft a plan, and support the execution of the plan while being a better person when possible. Contact him at kevinkoocoaching@gmail.com