Making Mountains Out of Mole Hills - A Lesson from Leaf Curl

First off, thank you to Dennis for reaching out and sharing about bamboo with me. I love hearing from readers, so when I say I want to hear from you, I mean it. Today we’re finishing the series with my inspirations from nature by looking at something very near and dear to my heart, leaf curl. Actually, that’s not true. It’s the peaches on the peach tree at our previous house. The leaf curl was the thing that destroyed the thing that’s near and dear to my heart.

When I first moved in with my girlfriend, now wife, I got to eat some delicious peaches from the peach tree. The following year, I noticed the leaves were looking weird, and the resulting fruit was odd too. Since I knew nothing about peach trees, I thought it was done for. I got desperate, and I did what any logical adult would do… ask for help on Facebook. It was actually quite helpful, and friends told me it was leaf curl, which could be remedied with a simple spray. It was a little too late to save the fruit and tree for this season, but I could save it for next season.

I was surprised at the solution and the resulting impact. In my mind, I was already imagining a dead tree, but learning that all I needed was a simple spray, and things could return to normal blew my mind. 

Now, anyone who might have a green thumb probably already knew that, and you’re probably questioning my intelligence right now. You have every right to do that, but the realization I had after this realization was this: we imagine the worst-case scenarios for situations where we lack information that probably have very simple answers. 

I recently met with a new client. He has a very successful and profitable business, but his home life wasn’t as stable. He felt like his partner didn’t appreciate all that he did and kept asking for his time and attention, even though his business required virtually all of him. It was serious enough that he was considering other living options or lifestyle choices… that’s probably the most politically correct way to say that. He hadn’t done anything, but in his frustration, he had rattled off some thoughts that seemed far from ideal.

After getting all of his frustrations out, which is very important when working through issues like this, I shared some relationship frameworks and general coaching concepts I share with all of my clients. In the end, he realized there was a disconnect in their relationship, as well as a lack of perspective taking. He didn't realize what she wants and needs were, and she probably didn’t know his wants and needs either. The answer? We talked through the 5 Love Languages, and his assignment was to learn his love language, as well as hers. Then, to start providing love to her in her language, not his.

Did you catch that? The answer was to take a 15-minute free online assessment, then apply the knowledge in conversations and interactions. It's actually quite simple to do. What was lacking before was the awareness that love languages exist, as well as the willingness to work on the relationship. Once those two pieces were in place, he felt like there was a chance for his marriage.

In this case, the marital problems and stress were like the leaf curl. To them, it felt like there was no answer. Fights were getting worse, they would spend less time with each other, and eventually, it would end with them separating. What else could happen? However, once he got the spray and the knowledge of the 5 Love Languages, things seemed very manageable. Suddenly, he could see areas to improve and different options to consider.

It’s fascinating and so rewarding to see these moments where it seems like there’s an insurmountable obstacle, only to see an exit door a few feet away.

What is something that feels insurmountable right now? I bet there's a solution if you can get different eyes on it. If you don’t have a different set of eyes available, I'd love to help out. You know where to find me, so drop on by.

Coach Kev helps people find calm, clarity, and confidence in their life while dreaming about delicious peaches. Contact him at kevinkoocoaching@gmail.com, or follow him on IG and YouTube @kevinkoocoaching