Talking to Yourself for Success

Believe it or not, how you talk to yourself matters. When things aren’t going your way, evaluated experience is key in determining whether or not you should keep pushing on. This is something that is not talked about much and I would argue it influences your level of success way more than anything we’ve talked about up until this point. If you remember nothing else, remember this: How you talk to yourself matters.

Let’s start with a thought exercise. What’s the difference between something you have to do compared to something you get to do? Which one feels better? Something you get to do, right? Which one feels heavier and more of a drag? What do you have to do, yeah? Isn’t it interesting that by changing one word, the emotions you feel can change? They say the tongue has the power of life and death. Have you been speaking life or death into your goals? What if changing some words could turn it from death to life?

Let’s take it a level deeper. First, I want you to know that the words you speak or the thoughts you have in your head are a reflection of how you perceive the world and yourself. 

For example, if someone wants to be skinny, but calls themselves fat, what do you think their chances are of actually losing weight? If we follow the logic that the words give us, fat people are… fat. How can a fat person be skinny? So from the start, because of that thought, their goal is unachievable. It’s not until they see themselves as being able to be skinny, or at least thinner, that real progress is made.

Or how about the person who wants to make more money, but believes that rich people are evil and take advantage of the poor? This person might be able to make a lot of money, but will quickly lose or give it away to avoid being rich.

What if someone wants a promotion by getting their degree, but believes they are too dumb? If compared to someone who believed they had the ability to pass, who would you bet on to get their degree?

This sounds so simple yet is so difficult at the same time. First is knowing what beliefs you have. Then, you need to find better beliefs that serve you. For the person losing weight, instead of believing they are fat, the new belief could be, “I know how it feels to be healthy.” For the person who wants to make more money but believes the rich are evil, the belief could be, “money is a reflection of who you are. Since I’m a good person, I can do more good with more money.” For the person who wants a degree but believes they are too dumb, they could try out, “I may not be the brightest, but I will work harder enough to overcome what I lack.”

Notice how the change in belief is not an opposite belief. We’re not going from, “money is evil,” to “money is the best thing ever.” Extreme shifts tend not to work. That’s why the example of the person getting their degree focuses on the person working harder, not magically becoming smarter.

For me, the fact that I’m writing articles to you is proof of the benefits of a mental shift. Prior to writing for the Forum, I had never written any articles before. I remember thinking, “You’re not a writer.” Yet, here we are. Do you want to know what I changed that thought to? “Just do your best and send it in. It might turn out better than you expect.”

I hope this has all made sense. What were some of your takeaways? What are your current beliefs? How does that belief serve you? What other beliefs would better serve you? Please reach out and let me know your thoughts or questions! 

Kevin Koo is a professional coach who specializes in personal, business, and leadership development. Contact him at kevinkoocoaching@gmail.com