The Average of Your 5 Closest People = You

In the past, I’ve talked about the importance of the environment when it comes to your own personal growth. Today, we focus on the importance of the people in your life. Specifically, the five closest people to you.

I had a friend tell me an interesting story about crabs. Have you ever seen a group of live crabs in a bucket? If there is only one, and it’s near the top of the bucket, it will jump out and run for freedom. However, if it is on a pile of other crabs, the ones below will actually pull the top one down, keeping it in the bucket. This idea has been around so long that it’s actually referred to as crab mentality or crabs in a bucket mentality.

The idea behind crab mentality is that there are people in your life who don’t want to see you succeed and will actively pull you down or hold you back. They do this because they don’t like the fact that you’re changing. You see, with the changes you’ve made, you no longer fit the box they had put you in.

I have another really great friend who shared this story about his younger days. He hosted a lot of parties that involved partying and drugs. One day he found God and decided that wasn’t the life he wanted to live anymore. He quit all that bad stuff. When he started to do this, all his friends started saying how boring he was and that he wasn’t any fun anymore. They would show up on the weekends expecting a party, but over time they stopped coming. Fortunately, my friend had a strong support network and was able to pull himself out of this situation because there were definitely crabs trying to pull him down.

So first, I want to ask you, are you happy with your life? If you are, then you probably have a good network and I’m so happy for you. However, if you find there are things in your life that want to be better, the crab mentality may be a good place to start your reflection. It’s not a coincidence that overweight people tend to be around overweight people. The opposite is also true. Gym people like being with gym people. People with strong faiths try to spend time with those who have a strong faith. So on and so forth.

I had to take a serious look at my own situation. After starting my business, I realized I didn’t have any friends who pursued personal growth the same way I did. It was because they just needed to do a good job to keep their job. I need to grow myself to grow my business. A very different mindset. There isn’t anything wrong with their mindset, it just wasn’t helpful for my situation. So, I started looking for other friends who also loved personal development. It also meant I spent less time with the friends I did have. I still love and treasure them, I just needed to make sure I took care of my own business first.

So where are you? Are there some friends who might be holding you back? Are there some new friends you would like to have? If you answered yes to either of those questions, it’s worth setting aside some time to evaluate your network.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you personally experienced the crab mentality? Looking for a better network but not sure where to start? Please reach out to me.

Kevin Koo is a professional coach who specializes in personal, business, and leadership development while learning new crab recipes. Contact him at kevinkoocoaching@gmail.com