The Comparison Game
Happy June! Perhaps I should ask, are you having a good year so far? We’re about to enter the second half of the year. Are you where you thought you’d be? Are you happy with your progress? Or do you find yourself… a little disappointed? You see other people going on vacations, doing cool things, getting promotions, getting married, having babies, etc. Then you find yourself thinking, “What have I done?”
If I were a betting man, I would bet that more people tend to think others are doing well while they are not. After all, we live in the age of social media, where everyone gets to see each other’s highlights while we’re only the ones to see all the highs and lows of our lives. It’s very easy to judge ourselves harshly as a result. This is the danger of the comparison game and is the source of our unhappiness.
Here’s a slight perspective shift I’d like to offer today. If you’re going to play the comparison game, compare yourself to a previous version of yourself, NOT to others. What do I mean? If you think about what you’ve done over the last five to ten years, what have you accomplished? I’m not just talking about achievements, but what difficulties and challenges did you overcome? Perhaps you recovered from a sickness/injury or got over a loss. Can you imagine what your life would look like if you just gave up or stopped trying?
This is usually the turning point in a session with my clients. It starts with a list of issues in life, whether with other people or with themselves and as we unpack things, I see the list of challenges and obstacles they had to overcome. When they see what I see, the tension releases, and they can stop judging themselves. This next part is where it becomes really fun for me as a coach. Not only do they stop judging themselves, but they start giving themselves the credit they deserve. What originally started as a judgment for how they have “failed” in life has now been turned into a list of accomplishments.
This is why I respect the elderly. Let me rephrase that. This is why I really respect the wise. When conversing with “old people,” I find that I gain so much perspective simply because of the wisdom they’ve gained over time. With enough time, they found what was actually important. With that time, they’ve gained the wisdom to see through the false truths in life.
It’s sad because we live in a society where the elderly are not given the respect and focus they really deserve. I know I would not be where I am without their guidance. I’ll even expand the definition of the elderly a bit. To me, it’s anyone who has more experience in one area of life than I do. If the person has spent more time experiencing something than me, I can guarantee there is something for me to learn and grow. I can learn from their successes and learnings to enrich my own life.
So, I’d like to give you two assignments for next month. The first is, who is someone you can talk to with more wisdom and learn from? Second, in what ways are you wise, and how can that wisdom be shared with others? Let me know; you know where to find me!
Coach Kev helps people find calm, clarity, and confidence in their lives while comparing to their previous selves. Contact him at kevinkoocoaching@gmail.com, or follow on IG and YouTube @kevinkoocoaching and come meditate with him at https://bit.ly/kkcmeditation
