Kintsugi - There’s Power in Your Pain
Last time I shared a story about a cracked pot. The focus of the story was about how even though we may feel broken, there is still good that we put out into the world. We just need to see it and understand that we still have value. I received a lot of nice feedback from others and wanted to share a related idea called kintsugi.
Kintsugi comes from Japan, and what they do is take broken pottery, and mend it with lacquer and gold dust. What’s so fascinating about this is how the broken bits are actually highlighted with gold. Typically, we try to hide our imperfections due to shame or embarrassment, but this brings those blemishes and imperfections to the forefront. Here’s a better explanation. It’s a short excerpt from Christy Bartlett’s Flickwerk: The Aesthetics of Mended Japanese Ceramics describing the concept:
“Not only is there no attempt to hide the damage, but the repair is literally illuminated... a kind of physical expression of the spirit of mushin....Mushin is often literally translated as "no mind," but carries connotations of fully existing within the moment, of non-attachment, of equanimity amid changing conditions. ...The vicissitudes of existence over time, to which all humans are susceptible, could not be clearer than in the breaks, the knocks, and the shattering to which ceramic ware too is subject.”
Reading that excerpt reminds me of something I heard years ago from a coach/mentor of mine. She often said, “your mess is your message.” Up until that point, I assumed perfection was the only “right” answer, but when she said that, something clicked in my head. When we connect with people, we can connect in a lot of ways. Usually through things we like, such as hobbies, sports teams, or even being in the same line of work. The other way to connect though, is through shared challenges and troubles. I’ve seen deep connections develop through single parents who have been through divorce, or blended families, or even those who have lost a loved one. If you know someone who has gone through a recovery group, you see how strong those relationships can be. There’s something powerful that lies in sharing your hardships with others who have gone through something similar.
So what if we decided to share our hardships rather than trying to hide them?
This is where things get interesting. What if those things you considered shameful or embarrassing were actually your source of strength? Who would benefit from hearing your story? Who would feel less alone to know that you went through that as well? What if by sharing your story, you could prevent someone from having that same experience?
Now, I will say that if it feels too scary to share, you’re probably not ready to share it. Take the time to get those wounds healed up a bit. Getting some therapy, coaching, or counseling would be helpful. However, keep in mind that the first time sharing will always be scary. You’ll know you might be ready when you’re able to articulate your learnings from the experience rather than playing the victim.
What’s an experience you’ve had that you’ve been hiding? It’s ok, you don’t have to share it with me. Just think about it. What were your learnings from that experience? What strengths and skills did you develop as a result of that hurtful experience? Can you think of anyone who might be going through something similar?
I really hope you take to heart when I say that you are a person of value. I don’t have to know you to tell you that it’s true. Your strengths and triumphs, as well as your hurts and weaknesses, make you valuable. The life you have lived to this point has turned into wisdom that other can benefit from. Learn to embrace the bad along with the good, and you’ll have a greater impact in your community than you ever could have imagined.
Coach Kev helps people find calm, clarity, and confidence in their life while mending the cracks that come along in life. Contact him atkevinkoocoaching@gmail.com, or follow on IG and YouTube @kevinkoocoaching
