Tips for Helping the Grieving During the Holidays

Holidays can be joyous for many people, stressful for others, and perhaps a bit of both for most. Some, though, find holidays even harder, particularly if they have recently lost someone dear at a time when everybody else at least seems to be happy.

As many people are emerging from pandemic isolation and craving interaction with others, more people than usual are grieving loved ones during holiday gatherings this year. 

Arlene Baldwin, director of grief at Hope Hospice in Dublin, which provides help to people in their last days and helps those who just lost a loved one, says one can do both.

Baldwin says the Number One tip is to manage your expectations and recognize that a little connection may help you feel better — though taking on too much could make things harder. 

First, she said, pick your event with care. A small, less noisy event is probably better for one’s nerves than a larger, more boisterous affair. An event where everyone else is a couple may be hard if you were recently widowed.

Do some emotional and psychological preparation before the event, Baldwin suggests.

Really spend some quiet time in self-reflection, said Baldwin. Ask yourself what your expectations are and what do others expect of you — something grieving people often exaggerate.

“I’m walking into a completely new situation,” Baldwin suggested telling yourself. Even if the event hasn’t changed, you’re a little different.

“Bring that new person to the event,” she suggests.

“Sometimes you go there and feel a wave of grief,” Baldwin said.

It might happen that you feel you need to leave at some point, and having an “exit strategy” before arrival, just in case, can help you do so gracefully, she said.

A phone call to the host before the event could make it as natural as possible for you.

If you’re the host, a phone call to your guest saying you are happy they’re coming can ease their fears.

Some grieving people, though, might treasure continuing their own past role as hosts. Baldwin suggests that it’s okay to ask for some help this year if that's you.

“What will support you at the holidays and throughout this year” is the key question to ask, Baldwin added.

 Hope Hospice in Dublin, www.hopehospice.com, runs various support groups for grieving people, both adults and children, over Zoom at present, and you don’t have to be a client to join. You can also call them at (925) 829-8770.